Got To Give It Up.

This song has a dual meaning for me. After a tumultuous 2008, I plan in this new year to not only give up smoking altogether, and drinking except at special occasions (even then, definitely in moderation), but I'm ready to give up the life I have lived for the past four years. It's time to grow up and be more responsible for myself and my life while looking forward to the possibilities for my future.

I just smoked my last cigarette as one third of my new year resolution. I had to give that up for obvious reasons, but I'm more than ready. I've been thinking about it for months. It was funny, too, because I didn't really enjoy that last smoke. I spat, and it was cold, but I still took my time to 'savor' it or whatever. After I flicked the cherry off and put it in the bucket, I realized smoking it really didn't make me feel better or more buzzed or whatever. That realization in itself made me more of a believer in myself and my ability to do it. I have asthma, and have no business doing things that compromise the health of my lungs.

I only smoke when I drink, therefore I am cutting my drinking back drastically as well. That's the second third of the resolution. I was doing well before the holidays with the demanding new job and all the travel, but then there's those holiday parties, cocktails, etc. It was fun and all, but now it's time to really buckle down.

The last third is taking better care of myself, starting with working out and renewing the diet plan that caused me to lose about 45 pounds last year. I feel so much better than I did a year ago, and know I will feel even more so when I drop below my college form (which involved more drinking than should have taken place anyway).

I've done a lot of things in the past seven or eight years that have forced me to tread water in my life, holding me back from my future happiness and well being. I've Got To Give It Up.

So here it is. One of my guilty pleasure songs. :-) Marvin Gaye totally rocks my face off. Happy New Year, y'all.



I used to go out to parties and stand around
'Cause I was too nervous to really get down
But my body yearned to be free
I got up on the floor, boy
so somebody could choose me.

No more standin' there beside the walls
I have got myself together, baby
I'm havin' a ball

Long as you're groovin'
There's always a chance
Somebody watchin' might wanna make romance

Move your body, ooo baby,
And dance all night
Do that grooving’
Feel all right

Everybody's groovin' on like a fool
But if you see me spread out and let me in
Baby just party high and low
Let me step into your erotic zone

Move it up
Turn it down
Shake it down

OOWWWW

You can love me when you want to babe
This is such a groovy party baby
We're here face to face
Everybody's swingin'
This is such a groovy place

All the young ladies are so fine!

You're movin your body easy with no doubt
Know what you thinkin' baby
You want to turn me out
Think I'm gonna let you do it babe

Keep on dancin'
You got to get it
Got to give it up.

Lindsay almost always keeps her wits about her. Earlier in life she enjoyed making fun of those who suffer from CRS - Can't Remember Shit. But lately she has become very familiar with this syndrome, and has been suffering from it for two months now. And that's so totally not cool.

I really love my new job, don't get me wrong. This is the best time for me to go running around the country, meeting all sorts of folks and seeing as many sights as I can. I would be lying if I said I didn't have those 'grown up plans' in the back of my mind, but right now I feel like I'm right where I need to be. I have never felt this way in my cognisant 'grown up' life, so that's obviously a huge plus.

However . . . it really irks me that lately I lose track of time so easily from week to week. Ask me where I was two weeks ago, and I'll tell you I was asleep somewhere not in my own bed. I got nothin'.

I would say I should blog more often, but I don't want to run people off like that. :-P I could keep a journal, but that gets so boring so quickly, not to mention it makes me feel like I'm 13 years old all over again. And you do NOT want to experience ME at 13.

Anyway, that's my brainmeat for the night. More next week for you to munch on!

So I finally got to catch up one some friends' blogs, and I found this thingie. It's like one of those 50 questions about me emails, but using an mp3 player. It took me an hour to do this because I stopped to listen to the songs, but oh well.

Check it out.

Instructions: Use your mp3 player set to random to answer the questions with random song titles.


What does next year have in store for me? "Cheer Up, Boys (Your Make-up Is Running)" -- Foo Fighters. "Theres a world out there/Don't you deny me/Give me one last wish/Theres a world out there" ... interesting!


What does my love life look like? "Frozen" -- Madonna. HAHA. "You're frozen when your heart's not open" ... well, I'm working on that.


What do I say when life gets hard? "Land of Shame" -- VAST. I don't like that one. Next is "Money" -- Velvet Revolver cover. "Don't give me that do goody-good bullshit." I give up.


What do I think of when I get up in the morning? "Already Gone" -- The Eagles. That's pretty much spot on, especially as of late.


What song will I dance to at my wedding? "Tell Me Lies" -- Fleetwood Mac. I certainly hope not! Trying again, I get "Italian Leather Sofa" by Cake. Much more likely. "She doesn't care whether or not he's an island. She doesn't care just as long as his ship's coming in.." Now I'm a money-grabber.


What do I want to do for my career? "Snakecharmer" -- Rage Against The Machine. Apparently I'm doomed to be a blue collar drunk.


Favorite saying? "Echo" -- Incubus. "My biggest fear will be the rescue of me/Strange how it turns out that way..." A nice way of saying, "Shit happens."


Favorite place? "Born on the Bayou" -- CCR. Close, but not quite. At least this song was played at sometimes painful volumes on Sunday mornings at my favorite home.


What do I think of my parents? "Learning To Fly" -- Pink Floyd. I could see how this would describe my Dad as he has aged, but not Mom. Mom would be a Beatles song, maybe "In My Life".


Where would I go on a first date? "Don't Pick It Up" -- The Offspring. Now that's just plain nasty and untrue. I would never eat shit thinking it was a candy bar, and I certainly wouldn't pick up VD or someone who looks like Pat on ANY date, let alone a first date.


Drug of choice? "Fresh Tendrils" -- Soundgarden. "Shame shame throw yourself away/Give me little bits of more than I can take/If it sits upon your tongue or naked in your eyes/Give me little bits of more than I can try"... I take this as meaning I'm addicted to people.


How do I describe myself? "One Man Army" -- Our Lady Peace. 'Nuff said!


What is the thing I like doing most? "Lodi Lodi" -- Snoop Doggy Dogg. "La Di Da Di, we likes to party/We don't cause trouble, we don't bother nobody..." If the shoe fits...


The song that best describes the president/prime minister? "Foolish" -- Ashanti. Only the song title suits him. How about "Misery Business" by Paramore?


What is my state of mind like at the moment? "I Want You" -- Kings of Leon. "Land of the creeps/Freshened up and baby faced shaved/But your eyes on me/And I know a place that we can get away..." Yeah, kinda.


How will I die? "Wild Flower" -- The Cult. I hope I die having sex with a man made of hotness, that would be awesome.


Song they'll play at my funeral? "Closer" -- Nine Inch Nails. Maybe not. Next is "Amsterdam" by Coldplay. "Come on, my star is fading/And I swerve out of control/If I, if I'd only waited/I'd not be stuck here in this hole..." Time is NOT on my side if I'm in a coffin, dude.


What song will I put as the subject? "Date Rape" - Sublime. Now THAT will get some attention!

Holla from White Plains, NY. Training was good, but my free time has been way boring. At least the night crew at the Outback across the street loves my ass. I even got free Blue Moon! :-D

I've finally come to terms with it. People grow up and crap like that. So many friends are getting hitched, having babies, et cetera, et cetera.

But just because you get married, you aren't officially a grown up.

Case in point, my bff of over 11 years. He's married, has a six year old beautiful son and one on the way, but only in the past couple of weeks has he started to pull up his bootstraps, so to speak. Crazy wife and all. And I do mean crazy.

I'm road-tripping to a high school teammate's wedding in Huntsville this weekend, with the bonus of hanging out with my bff the next day (that I turn 27. Woo or something). . . but I'm thinking about the wedding gift, and am at a loss. I really want to give the bride something to remember in my gift. I don't want to do the whole impersonal gift card thing, and I've found some creative ideas online, but I'm afraid someone else will beat me to the punch.

Ideas and suggestions are welcome, and potentially awesome!

The facts are this:
A: She likes to party
B: Her fiancee also likes to party, but I have yet to meet him
C: Fiancee is Canadian. LOL
D: We played volleyball together for over seven years
E: Huntsville
F: More drinking
G: I've lost a lot of time with her, but anytime we meet it's like it was yesterday.
H: Her father passed away a few years back, and I knew him well, but maybe not well enough to do anything like that. And besides, it's a wedding and I don't want to make her cry any more than she (or I) will.

Help please!

The City That Never Sleeps.

Thankfully I don't have the hard evidence to support that name, as I pretty much crashed face first into my awesome bed at the Fairfield Inn, Long Island City, around 10 last night.

That was before I got sucked into watching some crazy movie about a pie-making waitress in small town America who falls in love (or was it lust?) with her married OBGYN, while pregnant with her husband's child, and has sex with the gyno pretty much all the way up until her water breaks. I just googled the movie and found out it's called Waitress, starring Keri Russell and the hot hot hot Nathan Fillion, and was shown at the Sundance Film Festival. I laughed my ass off at her concoction of the "I Don't Want Earl's Baby" pie.

Call me crazy, but I think my interest in this movie was because of the Tylenol PM. I normally hate movies like this, but I think the hotness of said gyno and Jenna's (Keri's character) one-liners was what kept me on the line to the end.

As for work, I'm pretty much doing the same routine maintenance on instruments as I did last week in Texas, but under another field engineer, Dan. This is his turf, and he doesn't hesitate to let me know how he likes to do things, but not without giving me the "you'll find your own way" knudge.

Anyway, after tomorrow's service visit to another site (my first service call, yay!), I pretty much have all of Thursday to myself, so I'm thinking about taking a bus tour of NYC. The more I think about it, the more I'm inclined to just do it, but I have to find something to do with my bags in the meantime. I definitely don't want to haul those around New York for six freaking hours.

In the meantime, here are some pictures I took today. Hopefully I'll have better ones in the coming days!

Looking toward LaGuardia

I love my bed here, but the scenery really blows.

Towards JFK/The Hamptons

This cemetery looks really neat, and objects are much larger than they appear. I'll try again soon.

"View" of Manhattan/Midtown

This bed rocks. Can't believe this hole costs $200, but that's cheap compared to most of this caliber.

A BlackBerry should be insured for free, I think.

I had no idea about the pricetag of this piece of equipment, nor the sophistication of said hardware. I feel like Special Ed trying to navigate my way through this thing, but I'm slowly getting the hang of it.

Did you know a BlackBerry Curve costs like eight hundred bucks? Oh, and they're ordering my new laptop with docking station, monitor, etc. So my new laptop is pretty much gonna waste space, which pisses me off but what to do. Anyway, it's kinda scary they're trusting me with such expensive tools. I wonder how I'll feel about the car, knowing it's not really mine and using it everyday around stupid people on the road. At least they give me an option to buy it at the end of the lease if I desire. With the company paying the tab for at least a couple of years, that's like getting a pretty sweet used car, and you actually know the previous driver and history.

I know all the neato toys will eventually lose their shimmer, but for now it's all new and cool and stuff. I just hope the travel aspect of this job doesn't get old for quite a while!

I'll write more from Texas next week, and New York the week after. :-)

Well, I found a little down time to do these lil personality/mindset thingies, and aside from one painting me as an uptight trendy bitch at one point, it's pretty spot on. Tell me what you think!

Life is FINALLY good! Or at least starting to shape up that way. :)

Suddenly I feel like I'm putting on my big girl pants and joining the grown ups by securing my job with Thermo Fisher. I've had two decent positions previous to this, one of which had fantastic benefits (it WAS at the medical school, after all), but nothing really impressive until now. After five years of college and three years of working crappy science jobs, I can officially call myself an ENGINEER! I don't think anyone understands how happy that makes me, but you will soon.

And that, my friends, is what makes waiting to get the hell out and away from the contract job at Monsanto even more problematic. I want to work hard and help out where I can, but I have never felt as uninterested as I do now after securing my new position. My mentality at the moment boils down to this: since I'm stuck there for an additional two weeks, I might as well be busy and make the money, so just lay it on me. It makes the time pass faster.

I hate thinking like that, but after a year of being 'crapped on' as a contractor, I think I'm entitled.

Oh yeah, here are some pictures from my interview trip. :-D

Headquarters of the Specialty Diagnostics Division of Thermo Fisher Scientific

Hotel battle room at the Mariott, across the street from HQ

View at dusk from my corner hotel room

See that fog? Awesome.

Is there any GOOD way to pack a suit? Ugh.

Thank goodness I don't have to go straight to the interview from the airport. That would've truly sucked.

Instead, I will arrive late, get my SUV (since that's the cheapest rental you can find in California -- duh), drive to the hotel, check in, hang up my suit and promptly crash (hopefully anyway). By that time it will probably be midnight Pacific time, or 2AM CST.

I'm going to attempt to sleep in, but since my body is on an unforgiving wake-your-ass-up-by-7am CST schedule, I'll probably be wide awake by at least 6am. Not looking forward to that. So, I'll just have to make myself sleep more. Damnit, right? At least I will be wide awake by 2pm Pacific, 4pm CST, which is when my interview begins. By the time it ends, it will be well-past a well-deserved beer-thirty. :-P

I have every intention of landing this job on my visit to Silicon Valley, and will do everything in my power to make it so. This is just the kind of change I need in my life - a job that challenges me, gives me a new car to drive (BONUS), lets me travel (albeit mostly in the midwest, where we're supposed to have a hellacious winter.. oh well), allows me to work with customers to install and keep their analytical instruments up and running . . . it's right up my alley.

Gee, I think I just answered one of my highly potential interview questions. :-D

Stay tuned, more to follow from lovely Fremont, California! And maybe even some pictures, too . . .

Life.

How do you stop floating through it?

I want to enjoy every second. I want to take every moment in and savor it for everything it's worth. But when everything is said and done, have I done all I can to capture what that cliche 'full and prosperous life' truly is?

I'm pretty sure I'm not even close.

The best example of someone doing just that, in my personal experience, is my Great Aunt June. At 78 years young, she has truly lived her life "balls out", at every twist and turn. Though she may have stumbled a few times, she picked her chin up and redeemed herself. At the very least, I completely envy her ability to pack up the bare necessities, move to random places, and experience things I could only imagine.

Right now I'm looking at the epitome of a crossroads in my life, and though it scares me, I'm not shaking in my boots just yet. Because you know what? Debt will follow you wherever you go, and it will get paid off eventually. The scenery sometimes just needs a change, at work as well as in your everyday life. Ties get broken, and new ones formed, but you never forget those who truly made an impact in your growth as a human being.

Eventually for me has taken a while to set in, but... Eventually. One day. You might find yourself looking in the mirror at someone who you know can do so much better for herself -- and you realize that you're both fed up with your mediocrity.

So as I embark on the next phase of my life, I just want to tell all you lovely friends of mine that I will never forget how we grew up together, what trials we survived together, whatever drama we experienced together... and that we will never lose touch.

BTW -- If we haven't spoken recently, just fyi, I do "send care from afar". :)

I forgot how much I love Texas. Until this weekend.

In a matter of 34 hours I managed to do the following:

1. Catch up with an old flame who picked me up from the airport. We had a great time, and he took me to an AWESOME Irish pub on McKinney, to boot! (for those of you who don't know, the actual surname of my ancestors way back when was O'Lane) Great night! :)

2. Had a nice long visit with my roommate and best friend from Southwestern, who I haven't been able to spend quality time with for almost two years. That lag in visiting will NEVER happen again. This woman and I have been through hell and back, and still love the hell out of each other. So there you go! Genny, you rock my face off! :)

3. Had lunch with my best friend of 20 years and her first born, Zachariah, all of two months old. He's a great kid, though he has a bobblehead and I was really apprehensive about handling him. I have to admit though, once I did have him in my arms, that biological clock started to tick... and I'm okay with that. At least right now it's a somewhat muted ticking!

4. I was an attendant for a HS volleyball teammate's wedding. I got to briefly visit the bride, and though she was a bit flustered, she was holding up pretty damn well. She told me to mentally-douche her mom, though, which was no surprise to me, as CK's mom has always been a handful. I had to re-live some crazy memories of being shipped to a tournament in a freakin' taxi because CK's mom lost her keys. LOL - GREAT times!

I did my best to fulfill my duties as the almost-bridesmaid. Though it would have been an honor to be her bridesmaid, I'm glad I could at least take care of her guests, as I saved the day at the sign-in, as well as the candlelight cermony. \m/

I don't think I've had a quality visit with Cassie since I left DFW to move to STL. Regardless, we kept in touch, though only occasionally, so I was honored to be a part of her wedding. There were a few hiccups, as in all weddings I'm sure, but she could not have picked a better setting or better weather for that matter! Pictures to follow. Freakin' GORGEOUS.

I caught up with some more HS volleyball buddies, and it was awesome to see them at the reception. Megan, Kristin, and Heather are some spectacular women with whom I am more than pleased to affiliate myself, and I look forward to spending more time with them on my next visit. :)

We all need to read this one over and over until it becomes part of who we are!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Try everything twice. On Madams tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice...loved it both times!

2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down. (keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches;)

3. Keep learning : Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge. Dance around the house naked.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time.

Leap Day 2008.

I never gave much thought to leap years in the past, but this one is strange to me. Perhaps because of all the changes going on in my life. Maybe because I'm having to rediscover who I am and what I want out of life. I honestly feel like I'm at a crossroads. Lights flashing. The train has already hit me, but here I am.. still breathing. The possibilities may be endless, but how do I figure out which direction to take?

Suck it up and pick something, damnit. I'm so tired of waivering in my decisions. I basically floated through college, and though I had a blast, I didn't plan for the future... at all. And that's why, ladies and gentlemen, even with two college degrees from highly respected schools, they don't mean jack unless you have a plan for how to use them.

It's time to grow the F--- up. I've only got a little more than three years left of my twenties, and I'm gonna make every single waking hour count for something.

Three months into the new year, I've finally found a resolution worth fighting for. So thank you, weirdass Leap Year, for giving me that extra day to finally say 'F--- this, I'm going to Law School!'

You wanna know what's fun?

Jumping face first into snow piles.

The 'True Texan' came out of me this afternoon when I took a long walk, and then became infatuated with a roll of pristinely monumental snow/sleet rolls.

They were so perfect.

I just couldn't help myself.

The head-first sensation of the ice smothering my face was more than refreshing. It made me giddy. I felt like a kid again.

Now I want a sno-cone.

Reflection Abets
Equilibration Pending
The Lunar Eclipse.

Cliché lyrics to follow:


Oh I'm newly calibrated
All shiny and clean
I'm your recent adaptation
Time to redefine me

Let the word out I've got to get out
Oh I'm feeling better now
Break the news out I've got to get out
Oh I'm feeling better now

Oh I'm happy as Christmas
All wrapped to be seen
I'm your recent acquisition
Time to celebrate me

Let the word out I've got to get out
Oh I'm feeling better now
Break the news out I've got to get out
Oh I'm feeling better now . . .

Big Momma laughs in my face once again.

Everybody knows I am constantly having car trouble, but haven't been in a position to buy a new car, not even moving toward that goal until my recent career move. But this was so so so like, the last straw. Big Momma has to go.

So I haven't been able to start my car since last Saturday, the coldest night of the winter season thus far. After speaking with Daddy, the self professed mechanic, we figured it was a frozen fuel line after getting some water logged bad gas.. no biggie, just had to wait it out until today, when we hit a balmy 52 degrees.

I would've spent my time AND money better at the driving range.

After some poking, prodding, bouncing and lots of cursing, BM finally gave in and started up for me. I was stoked. So much so that I drove to QT, filled her up, and bought lottery tickets (as i was feeling LUCKY. Ha).

Forty-five bucks of gas and a soda later, the bitch was back. I had a full tank of gas, a frosty beverage, even some road snacks ready, but I couldn't start my car. Irony. Still trying to get it started, I watched a Tiburon coast past me, the same color and year as my Rice Rocket (RIP). WTF dude. That's not funny.



At least I can thank you, God, for providing me with Cingular's roadside assistance feature. I have used it to its full potential in the past year, and it is DEFINITELY worth the extra $2.99 a month in my case.

So my car will magically appear to the mechanics at Danmark Auto on Monday. And I will pray that they tell me it's a stupid clogged fuel filter, or spark plugs, something. Just please God make it something CHEAP!

In the meantime, pointers on car shopping are welcome.

Where the hell have I been?

After reading a few blogs of friends and friends' friends, I felt compelled to at least drop a line letting the few that actually follow my intermittent ramblings know that I am going to get wired to fill this baby up again.

Peace out homies.

OH MY SHIT!

The Stars pulled off an amazing comeback tonight -- had I been in a better mood, I would've been boozed up and bouncing off the walls. They were down 4-0 to the LA Kings after the first period, and then came back over the next two periods to WIN 5-4!! A big shout out to Zubov, Guerin, Arnott, Robidas, and Boucher.

Now if that damn captain of ours would turn on the jets, we'll be set.

On the other hand.. the poor Blues got turned over Detroit's lap and spanked like a red headed stepchild. Better luck tomorrow at home!

Oh, boy. Fourth post and STILL I have nothing really to tell. Eh, I'll try it anyway.

Okay, so had I not been offered the chance to interview with BrainLAB last Monday, I'd probably be in St. Louis by now, havin' me some good Bud Light, and soaking in some major hockey action over the course of the weekend, but NOOOOOOOO. I'm still waiting to hear about this j-o-b I so desperately need.

If I don't hear anything by Friday, I'm gonna suck it up and call the area manager I interviewed with, and be like, "Aight biyatch, this is how it's gonna go down . . . "

Should they choose not to hire me for lack of clinical experience, I shall laugh in their faces in light of the $150 million lawsuit filed against them by Medtronic, the GODZILLA of the medical device industry.

Then I'll go kiss some ass at Medtronic and pray my networking skills can do the job.

Aaaanywho, hockey action starts tonight, and Mom's got Center Ice, so I'm gonna get sucked into the abyss that will be the living room.

GO STARS! :)

I've never hated waiting so much in my life. I could still have NINE DAYS to burn before I find anything out about the job I interviewed for on Monday. Nine, 9, nueve . . . no me gusta.

It's bad enough my mom has always said my middle name was "instant gratification", but to throw this into the mix . . . my dreams get weirder and weirder.

So, dudes and dudettes located in or near St. Louis, if you know anyone looking to hire a biomedical engineer, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, contact me. I don't know how much longer I can go without something productive to do everyday, without money coming in, and without getting laid. :( haha.. I love you, Jose. :-*